Talking about sex can feel taboo, but it’s one of the most natural and fundamental aspects of human life. In a recent episode of Soul Feed, host Shannon Algeo dives deep into the importance of open conversations about sexuality, self-awareness, and setting boundaries to foster fulfilling and respectful intimate experiences.
Shannon introduces an enlightening framework called BDSMRA (not to be confused with BDSM) that serves as a guide to honoring personal needs and desires in sexual exchanges. This concept, originally shared by tantric teacher and sexual shaman Shahar Cosby on The Embodied Life Podcast, provides a powerful tool for cultivating deeper connections.
Why We Need to Talk About Sex
Society has long conditioned us to feel shame about sex, reinforcing the idea that it should remain hidden. But why should we be ashamed of something so intrinsic to human existence? Sexuality is as normal as eating, sleeping, or breathing—yet many still struggle to embrace it without guilt.
Shannon shares a personal story from his Catholic school days, highlighting how religious teachings instilled deep-seated shame around masturbation. Confessing such a natural act in a dark booth, hidden from sight, only reinforced the message that sexuality should remain unspoken and secretive.
By confronting these ingrained beliefs and normalizing conversations about sex, we can break free from shame and embrace sexuality as an integral part of personal and spiritual well-being.
The Power of BDSMRA: A Framework for Honoring Yourself in Sex
Shannon introduces BDSMRA as a powerful acronym designed to ensure that all sexual exchanges are consensual, fulfilling, and aligned with personal desires and boundaries. This framework, when practiced with a partner, fosters deeper communication and connection.
Here’s what BDSMRA stands for:
- Boundaries: Establish clear personal limits and discuss what is and isn’t comfortable.
- Desires: Communicate what you truly want from the experience.
- STDs: Have an open and honest conversation about sexual health and safety.
- Meaning: Understand the emotional and personal significance of the encounter for both partners.
- Relationship Status: Clarify expectations and relational dynamics to ensure mutual understanding.
-
Aftercare: Provide emotional and physical support post-experience to nurture connection and well-being.
This checklist empowers individuals to have intentional, open discussions before engaging in sexual experiences, ensuring that every exchange is rooted in respect, pleasure, and emotional safety.
Breaking Free from Fear and Shame
Many people fear open discussions about sex due to societal conditioning. However, Shannon highlights three essential reasons why this fear is irrational:
-
Sex is the reason we exist.
Without it, none of us would be here, so why should it be stigmatized? -
Sexuality is as normal as basic human functions.
Just as eating and sleeping are necessary, so is embracing our sexual nature. -
Integrating sexuality with heart and mind creates deeper connections.
When we align our desires with emotional and intellectual awareness, we foster healthier, more meaningful relationships.
How to Have Honest Conversations About Sex
Honest communication is essential for fulfilling sexual experiences. Shannon emphasizes the importance of open, shame-free discussions between partners, ensuring mutual comfort and understanding. Some key ways to foster this communication include:
- Setting aside dedicated time to discuss boundaries and desires.
- Practicing active listening and validating your partner’s feelings.
- Using non-judgmental language to create a safe space.
- Continuously checking in before, during, and after intimacy.
Sex as a Spiritual Practice
Shannon explores the idea that sex is not just a physical act but a deeply spiritual experience. When approached with intention and emotional awareness, it can be a powerful tool for personal growth, healing, and connection. Many ancient traditions, including Tantra, view sex as a sacred exchange of energy. By integrating mindfulness and presence, partners can cultivate a more profound, transformative sexual connection.
The Importance of Aftercare in BDSMRA
One of the most overlooked yet essential aspects of intimacy is aftercare—the final step in the BDSMRA framework. Aftercare involves providing emotional, mental, and physical support to ensure that both partners feel safe, comforted, and valued after a sexual encounter. This can include:
- Cuddling and physical touch reinforce emotional closeness.
- Engaging in open conversations about the experience.
- Checking in emotionally to address any lingering feelings or concerns.
- Practicing self-care to recharge and reflect on the experience positively.
Aftercare fosters trust and emotional security, strengthening the bond between partners and ensuring that every intimate encounter is a positive, empowering experience.
Embrace Open and Honest Sexual Communication
Sex is not something to be ashamed of—it is a profound expression of connection, love, and intimacy. By openly discussing boundaries, desires, and fears, we create a more liberated and fulfilling experience for ourselves and our partners.
If you’re interested in hearing the full conversation, be sure to check out Soul Feed for this transformative episode. Listen to Shannon Algeo’s podcast here. The more we embrace open conversations around sex, the more empowered we become in honoring ourselves and our needs.
Want to add some playful fun to your next game night? Try the Pick Me Up Party Game! It’s the perfect way to break the ice and spark flirty, hilarious conversations. Get your copy on Amazon.
