Unrequited feelings can be some of the hardest to shake. When you’ve formed an emotional connection with someone you never officially dated, it can feel confusing and isolating. After all, there wasn’t a breakup or closure—yet, the pain is very real.
If you're struggling with getting over someone you never dated, know that it’s okay to grieve what you hoped for and to take time for yourself. This guide will help you navigate those emotions with practical tips, self-care advice, and even a dash of humor to lighten the load.
Understanding Why It Hurts So Much
Unrequited love is often painful because:
- Your imagination filled in the gaps: You may have built a story in your mind about what could have been.
- The connection felt real: Even if it was one-sided, your feelings were genuine.
- There’s no closure: Without a defined relationship, there’s often no clear end.
This type of heartbreak is valid. Acknowledging your feelings is the first step toward moving forward.
1. Let Yourself Grieve
Honor your emotions. Although it might feel strange to grieve something that never “officially” existed, your feelings are valid. Suppressing them will only prolong the healing process.
How to Process Your Grief
- Write it out: Journaling can help you express your feelings without judgment.
- Cry it out: Sometimes, a good cry is the release you need.
- Talk it out: Share your feelings with a trusted friend who can provide support.
Let yourself feel sad, angry, or disappointed. These emotions are part of the process.
2. Practice Radical Self-Care
Heartbreak often leaves you feeling drained, so it’s essential to prioritize yourself. Think of self-care as putting your emotional oxygen mask on first.
Ideas for Self-Care
- Physical health: Exercise, eat well, and get enough sleep. Movement, in particular, can help release pent-up emotions.
- Mental health: Meditate, practice mindfulness, or explore breathing exercises to reduce stress.
- Pamper yourself: Treat yourself to a spa day, a relaxing bath, or a solo coffee date at your favorite café.
Taking care of your body and mind will help you rebuild your strength.
3. Shift the Focus with Humor
They say laughter is the best medicine, and there’s truth to that. Humor helps you gain perspective and feel lighter during tough times.
Ways to Laugh More
- Watch comedies: Pick a feel-good movie or a stand-up special that cracks you up.
- Find funny memes: A good meme scroll can be oddly therapeutic.
- Laugh at the absurdity: Acknowledge how wild it is to cry over someone who probably doesn’t even know the depth of your feelings.
Laughter won’t erase the pain, but it can provide a much-needed break from it.
4. Spend More Time with Friends
Isolation can make heartbreak worse, so lean on your support system. Friends not only offer a listening ear but also help you rediscover joy and connection.
How to Reconnect with Friends
- Plan fun outings: Go to a concert, hike, or try a new restaurant together.
- Host a game night: Laughter and camaraderie can be incredibly healing.
- Open up: Share what you’re going through if you feel comfortable. You might be surprised by their empathy and advice.
Being around people who care about you reminds you that you’re not alone.
5. Create Distance and Set Boundaries
To move on, you need space—both physical and emotional—from the person you’re trying to get over.
Tips for Creating Distance
- Mute or unfollow them: Social media updates can be a painful reminder.
- Avoid mutual hangouts: At least for a while, steer clear of places where you might run into them.
- Reclaim your space: Remove items or reminders associated with them to create a fresh environment.
Distance isn’t about being cold; it’s about giving yourself the chance to heal.
6. Pursue a New Passion
Heartbreak can leave you with a lot of emotional energy. Channeling that energy into a new hobby or interest can help you feel productive and fulfilled.
Ideas for New Hobbies
- Creative outlets: Painting, writing, or playing music can help you express and process your emotions.
- Fitness goals: Try yoga, dancing, or training for a 5K.
- Learn something new: Take a cooking class, learn a language, or dive into photography.
When you immerse yourself in something new, you give your mind a positive focus.
7. Consider Therapy
Sometimes, moving on requires deeper reflection and professional guidance. Therapy can provide the tools and space to process complex emotions.
Benefits of Therapy
- Validation: A therapist will acknowledge your feelings without judgment.
- Perspective: They can help you untangle your thoughts and identify patterns.
- Actionable strategies: Therapists provide tools to rebuild your confidence and self-esteem.
Seeking therapy is a sign of strength, not weakness.
8. Practice Gratitude
Gratitude can help you shift your focus from what you’ve lost to what you have.
Ways to Practice Gratitude
- Daily journal: Write down three things you’re thankful for each day.
- Appreciate small moments: Savor a good cup of coffee, a sunny day, or a kind gesture.
- Reflect on lessons learned: Consider what this experience has taught you about yourself and what you value in a relationship.
Gratitude doesn’t erase pain, but it helps you find beauty in the midst of it.
9. Avoid Idealizing the Person
It’s easy to put someone on a pedestal, especially when you never dated. But remember, no one is perfect.
How to Stay Grounded
- List their flaws: Remind yourself they’re human and have their quirks.
- Challenge fantasies: Recognize that your idea of them might not align with reality.
- Focus on compatibility: Ask yourself if they truly met your needs or if you were filling in the gaps.
Seeing the person more realistically can help you let go.
10. Take It One Day at a Time
Healing isn’t linear, and that’s okay. Some days will feel lighter, while others might bring back the ache.
How to Stay Positive
- Celebrate small wins: Acknowledge moments when you didn’t think about them or felt genuinely happy.
- Be patient: Healing takes time—there’s no set timeline.
- Keep looking forward: Remember, every day brings you closer to feeling whole again.
Embracing Healing and Growth
Getting over someone you never dated is a unique kind of heartbreak, but it’s also an opportunity for growth. By taking care of yourself, leaning on loved ones, and rediscovering joy in new ways, you can heal and move forward with confidence.
Remember, the pain you’re feeling now won’t last forever. With time, distance, and self-compassion, you’ll look back and see this as a chapter that made you stronger and more resilient.
FAQs
Q1: Why is it so hard to get over someone I never dated?
Your feelings were real, and you likely invested emotionally in the idea of a relationship. It’s normal to grieve what could have been.
Q2: How can I stop thinking about them?
Create distance, focus on new hobbies, and redirect your thoughts with humor or gratitude practices.
Q3: Is it okay to seek therapy for this?
Absolutely. Therapy can help you process your feelings and develop strategies for moving forward.
Q4: How long does it take to get over someone?
There’s no set timeline. Healing depends on the depth of your feelings and the steps you take to move forward.
Yes! Laughter lightens emotional burdens and helps you regain perspective. Watch a comedy or share a funny moment with friends—it’s therapeutic.
