Online dating has become a major part of how people meet, whether it’s for casual chats or more serious relationships. With the vast number of dating apps available, it’s easy to connect with potential matches—but starting that first conversation? That’s often the hardest part. A great opener can set the tone for your interaction, while a poor one might leave you ghosted before you even get started.
In this guide, we’ll walk you through everything you need to know about how to start a conversation on a dating app. Whether you’re nervous about making the first move or just looking for some fresh ideas, you’ll find plenty of tips and strategies to help you stand out from the crowd and get the conversation flowing.
Why Starting the Conversation Right Matters
Before diving into specific conversation starter ideas, it’s important to understand why starting the conversation on the right foot is so crucial. Many dating apps have features that allow you to swipe, like, or match with people based on a profile—so, once you’ve been matched, you’ve already made a connection. However, how you initiate the conversation can make or break the potential for further interaction.
Here’s why starting strong matters:
- First Impressions Count: The first message is your opportunity to make a lasting impression. It’s your time to show who you are, your sense of humor, and your conversational skills.
- Stand Out in a Sea of Messages: On dating apps, everyone’s sending messages. Standing out with something thoughtful or unique increases the likelihood of a response.
- Set the Tone for the Conversation: A good opener can pave the way for a comfortable, fun chat, while a lackluster or awkward one might leave both of you feeling unsure.
Now that you understand the importance, let’s break down the best ways to approach starting a conversation.
1. Personalize Your Opener
One of the biggest mistakes people make on dating apps is sending generic, copy-pasted messages like “Hey” or “What’s up?” These messages don’t give the other person much to work with, and they often come off as disinterested or lazy.
Instead, take a moment to personalize your message. Look at their profile and find something specific to comment on, whether it’s their interests, photos, or bio. This shows you’re genuinely interested and invested in getting to know them.
Example:
- Generic Message: "Hey!"
- Personalized Message: "Hi! I see you love hiking—what’s your favorite trail? I’m always looking for new spots to explore!"
By adding a personal touch, you create an instant conversation starter based on something that’s meaningful to the other person. This makes it much more likely that they’ll engage with you.
2. Ask Open-Ended Questions
When starting a conversation, open-ended questions are your best friend. These types of questions can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no,” and they encourage more detailed responses. This helps get the conversation flowing naturally.
Instead of asking, “Do you like traveling?” try asking, “What’s the best place you’ve ever traveled to, and why?”
Open-ended questions also give the other person room to share more about themselves, which can lead to deeper and more engaging conversations. Be sure to ask questions that are light and fun, but also leave room for more exploration.
3. Use Humor to Break the Ice
Humor can be one of the best ways to stand out and make the other person smile. A funny, light-hearted approach helps to break the ice and shows that you’re confident and approachable. However, it’s important to strike the right balance—your humor should be fun and respectful, not offensive or overly sarcastic.
If you’re unsure where to start, try a playful comment about something in their profile photo, or use a humorous observation that fits the situation.
Example:
- Playful Opener: "I see you're holding a pizza in your profile pic. Serious question: Is pineapple a crime, or is it the perfect topping?"
Humor can help you both relax and start a conversation with a positive vibe.
4. Be Genuine and Authentic
One of the most attractive qualities in a person is authenticity. When starting a conversation, be yourself. Avoid trying too hard to impress the other person by pretending to be someone you’re not. Authenticity fosters trust and sets the foundation for a meaningful conversation.
If you're unsure what to say, simply introduce yourself and share a little bit about who you are. You might be surprised at how well this works, especially when it’s done with confidence.
Example:
- Genuine Opener: "Hey, I’m Alex! I noticed we both love indie music—do you have any favorite bands I should check out?"
Starting with a simple, authentic message can make you seem approachable and relatable.
5. Compliment Thoughtfully
Compliments are a great way to show appreciation, but they should always be thoughtful and respectful. Instead of focusing solely on appearance, try complimenting something you’ve noticed in their profile that reflects their personality or interests.
A well-thought-out compliment can feel much more meaningful than a generic “You’re beautiful.” It shows that you’ve taken the time to learn a bit about them.
Example:
- Thoughtful Compliment: "I love that you’re into photography! The picture you posted at the beach looks amazing—do you shoot professionally or is it more of a hobby?"
Compliments that are based on their interests will stand out more and show you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them.
6. Reference Shared Interests or Experiences
If you both share a particular hobby, interest, or experience, don’t be afraid to bring it up as a conversation starter. Shared experiences give you something in common right off the bat, and they’re an excellent way to dive into a conversation without feeling forced.
If their profile mentions something you’re passionate about, bring it up in a fun, conversational way.
Example:
- Shared Interest Opener: "I noticed you're a big fan of true crime podcasts—I'm obsessed too! Do you have any recommendations, or are you all caught up?"
By referencing shared interests, you make the conversation feel more connected and natural.
7. Avoid Being Too Forward Too Soon
While it’s tempting to jump straight into deep or flirtatious topics, remember that it’s best to let things unfold naturally. Avoid being too forward, overly flirty, or asking personal questions right away. Let the conversation grow at a comfortable pace, and respect their boundaries.
Instead of jumping straight into asking for their phone number or suggesting a date, take the time to build rapport and trust. This creates a more comfortable environment for both of you.
8. Use Your Bio and Profile to Your Advantage
Your dating app bio and profile can give you a lot of material to work with when starting a conversation. Make sure your profile reflects your true self, and try to include things that invite questions.
For example, if you mention that you love cooking or enjoy a specific type of music, you give others the opportunity to ask questions based on those interests. Think of your profile as an opening for someone to engage with you on topics you enjoy discussing.
9. Keep It Light and Fun
Starting a conversation on a dating app doesn’t need to be a deep, intense interaction right away. Keep things light and playful at first—this helps you both ease into the conversation without feeling too much pressure. Once you’ve built rapport and comfort, the conversation can naturally deepen.
Example:
- Fun Opener: "If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? And yes, pizza counts as a food group!"
Keeping things fun and carefree helps prevent any awkwardness and ensures both of you feel comfortable opening up.
10. Be Patient and Respectful
Finally, it’s essential to be patient and respectful when starting a conversation. Not everyone will respond right away, and that’s okay. Don’t take it personally if you don’t get an immediate response. People have busy lives, and sometimes they might not be checking their app at that moment.
If you don’t get a reply, don’t send multiple follow-up messages. Respect the other person’s space and move on gracefully if they’re not interested. Persistence can be great, but pushiness is not.
Master the Art of Starting Conversations on Dating Apps
Starting a conversation on a dating app can be nerve-wracking, but with the right approach, you can make a lasting impression. Whether you’re using humor, a genuine compliment, or simply showing interest in their hobbies, it’s all about making the other person feel seen and appreciated. Personalize your message, keep it light, and always stay authentic.
Remember, the goal is to foster a natural conversation that flows smoothly—so don’t stress too much about perfection. Keep it relaxed and let things unfold at their own pace.
FAQs
Q1: How long should my first message be?
Your first message should be concise and to the point. Aim for a message that’s a couple of sentences long—enough to show you’re interested, but not too long that it feels overwhelming.
Q2: What should I do if I don’t get a response?
If you don’t get a response, don’t worry! Sometimes people get busy or just aren’t interested. Respect their space, and don’t be discouraged. Move on to other connections.
Q3: How can I make my dating profile stand out?
Make sure your profile is engaging and authentic. Include a mix of interests, hobbies, and some fun facts about yourself. A unique, thoughtful bio can spark questions and lead to better conversations.
Q4: Should I use emojis in my first message?
Emojis can add a playful touch, but don’t overdo them. Use them sparingly to enhance the tone of your message, but always ensure they’re fitting for the conversation.
It’s best to build rapport and get to know each other a little before suggesting a date. Let the conversation flow naturally, and when it feels right, suggest meeting in person.
